The Trailing Housewife

                                            

H4 Visa - 2 words that constantly ring in any girl/s head as she tags along with her lawfully and lovingly wed husband to the land of opportunities (or so they'd like to call it). For those of you wondering, what is this H4 visa and is it a big deal? I have taken the liberty to copy two lines from Wiki about the H4 visa status:

"An H-4 visa is a visa issued by the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS) to immediate family members (spouse and children under 21 years of age) of the H-1B visa holders.H-4 visa holders are not eligible to get a Social Security Number and cannot be employed, but they can hold a driver's license, open bank accounts, and get an Individual Taxpayer Identification Number for US tax purposes."

Going back to the day where it all begins - Suitcases filled with snacks and curry powders, teary eyed parents waving at the airport, grandparents praying and hoping you can cook to save your life and not to mention the poor guy who married you, phone calls to the closest friends promising to keep in touch and of course the worry of how to manage the idle brain!

The long treacherous 21 hour journey by flight (I keep wondering how people traveled by sea for a month to reach this country!) only comforted by the loving husband and the delicious desserts that Etihad Airways serves!

Life in full throttle, or so I'd like to hope ! I must say that it is quite a transition from running after what you wanted to do with you life for 26 years to a subset of chores (cooking, cleaning, internet and weekend outings!), the transition from managing your own money and planning your finances to depending on your better half for all that you needed. In no way are these transitions heading the wrong way, they just decided to take a different turn!

When confronted with a situation, the internet can be your best friend and your worst enemy. I am no different from the rest of the world as I started digging around about the perils of the visa that I possess. I realized that there are several thousands of educated, well experienced women who are on this visa struggling to get out of the chains of the H4 - to pursue a dream of their own, to be the independent self they once were, to recreate that identity that they think they lost. Some successfully converting their visa status to the golden H1b (work permit visa) and some severely scarred by the chains of the H4.

There are close to 70000 H1B visas issued every year and even if a percentage of these candidates get married, the number of people who are refused work only because of their visa status becomes an alarming number. There are women who are IT professionals, MBA grads, architects, designers - you name it and they are there in this country just waiting for a change in the law allowing them to pursue their dreams. American policy makers have their reasons, stating that the women came into the country very well aware of what they were allowed and not allowed to do. That's a point that I am not going to argue about for several reasons.

Anyway, on this journey you meet several friends and family and I bet any housewife will be asked this question, "So what do you do the entire day?". Well as much as I would like to say that I am the CEO of a company and I love how much it tickles my brain to apply corporate strategy to pull the company out of the  slump, I can only say, "Um....well I cook, read, watch a movie, try to volunteer for a bit..Oh and I am trying to learn a new skill". And then you can see that sad look on your friend’s face that reads 'I understand'. It's extremely funny to see how people with unflinching determination ask you the same question followed by the same melancholic look. Let’s save the drama for another day!

Let me take you back to the h4 visa forums where there is a lot of cribbing and motivational talks. I am with all the ladies who have turned to looking at recipes for a part of their day to decide what to cook that evening. Would I have enjoyed writing a script or responding to some important official emails with the same time - undoubtedly. But on the other hand, the look on my husband's face as he enjoys his meal - I would take my time to look at all the recipes in the world to replicate that look each day. I also belong to that category of women who set fitness goals for themselves (yes, I do love my chips and cupcakes and there is no way I would give it all up) and sometimes this goal keeps me going. It is a goal after all!

Caught up with all the negativity online about the H4 visa and its horrible nature of locking a person down from shutting down dreams and aspirations, sometimes we forget appreciating the finer aspects of life, finding joy in little things, the necessity of taking a break from the long lap of life. There is ample time to recreate all the dreams that were drawn so picture perfectly in your head. But it’s also essential to take a deep breath and realize that the most mundane saying "When one door closes, another one opens" is actually true. While finding that door, I think it’s important not to forget to laugh aloud, enjoy the company of your loved ones, sharpen a skill, talk to people you have been meaning to talk for several years and everyone has that  childhood dream of learning an art - Now is always a good time !