And I have miles to go before I sleep...?

My favourite quote is Robert Frost’s “And I have miles to go before I sleep…”. The inner meaning of which I may not thought through completely. When my computer crashed, I had plenty of time to stare at my spotless cream walls and ponder about absolutely everything.

Why do I miss India so much? Is it because many of my friends and family are there? On second thought, did I really? All (except a handful) are busy chasing the carrot tied to the donkey – the never ending goal that consumes and burns away every minute of our lives. But isn’t this my favourite quotes’ inner meaning?  

Unfortunately, I too am a victim stuck in search of indefinite happiness and success that may probably exist.In the last six months of my life in the US, I have met and spent more time with family and friends than I did in India. How much sense and sensibility I can make of it? I am still quite unsure, but I do know for a fact that some or many of you reading this will think – ‘But you are a housewife and have all the time in the world, so how would you know the value of time?’ – I understand and am not offended.

Perhaps the abundance of well wishers back home and knowing that one always has someone to lean on has led to relationships being taken for granted. In the US, the lack of it thereof has caused people to hold on to what’s left, thus creating tighter knit communities/links and relationships. A couple make the time to sit and talk to each other, friends make it a point to visit each other on weekends, cousins and families run to each other to experience the feeling of home. The basis of the whole set-up maybe wrong, but the result has worked out well.

In the blind pursuit of a high flying career, comfort, money and thus luxury (all of which I love too …no arguments there) we somehow get sucked into the vacuum of emptiness forgetting what makes us truly happy. Work satisfaction, no doubt gives an untold joy but can never be the pinnacle. Some of us are consumed by this vacuum that we have forgotten what brings a smile on our faces and more importantly joy in our hearts.

I know it sounds cliché, but have we forgotten our roots? It is surprising to know that a practice as good as Yoga is far more prevalent in the US while unhealthy western fried food takes over our “well balanced” Indian meal.  We often convince ourselves that we are modernizing, but aren’t we moving backward instead?

Even today India is known to be the land of mythology, faith, values and discipline, a country that possesses the raw charm that westerners want to imitate. Unfortunately all that is being sucked away by us – giant mechanical robots programmed to pursue perfection in every aspect.

Well, maybe it’s time we reprogrammed some part of our coding?

Time to pick up the phone and make some plans (not the meetings or the deadlines)!

Time to go for that long drive that you always intended to?

Or if you choose, let your hair down and dance away into the night. Whatever you do, don’t forget to have fun and be truly happy. 

The Trailing Housewife

                                            

H4 Visa - 2 words that constantly ring in any girl/s head as she tags along with her lawfully and lovingly wed husband to the land of opportunities (or so they'd like to call it). For those of you wondering, what is this H4 visa and is it a big deal? I have taken the liberty to copy two lines from Wiki about the H4 visa status:

"An H-4 visa is a visa issued by the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS) to immediate family members (spouse and children under 21 years of age) of the H-1B visa holders.H-4 visa holders are not eligible to get a Social Security Number and cannot be employed, but they can hold a driver's license, open bank accounts, and get an Individual Taxpayer Identification Number for US tax purposes."

Going back to the day where it all begins - Suitcases filled with snacks and curry powders, teary eyed parents waving at the airport, grandparents praying and hoping you can cook to save your life and not to mention the poor guy who married you, phone calls to the closest friends promising to keep in touch and of course the worry of how to manage the idle brain!

The long treacherous 21 hour journey by flight (I keep wondering how people traveled by sea for a month to reach this country!) only comforted by the loving husband and the delicious desserts that Etihad Airways serves!

Life in full throttle, or so I'd like to hope ! I must say that it is quite a transition from running after what you wanted to do with you life for 26 years to a subset of chores (cooking, cleaning, internet and weekend outings!), the transition from managing your own money and planning your finances to depending on your better half for all that you needed. In no way are these transitions heading the wrong way, they just decided to take a different turn!

When confronted with a situation, the internet can be your best friend and your worst enemy. I am no different from the rest of the world as I started digging around about the perils of the visa that I possess. I realized that there are several thousands of educated, well experienced women who are on this visa struggling to get out of the chains of the H4 - to pursue a dream of their own, to be the independent self they once were, to recreate that identity that they think they lost. Some successfully converting their visa status to the golden H1b (work permit visa) and some severely scarred by the chains of the H4.

There are close to 70000 H1B visas issued every year and even if a percentage of these candidates get married, the number of people who are refused work only because of their visa status becomes an alarming number. There are women who are IT professionals, MBA grads, architects, designers - you name it and they are there in this country just waiting for a change in the law allowing them to pursue their dreams. American policy makers have their reasons, stating that the women came into the country very well aware of what they were allowed and not allowed to do. That's a point that I am not going to argue about for several reasons.

Anyway, on this journey you meet several friends and family and I bet any housewife will be asked this question, "So what do you do the entire day?". Well as much as I would like to say that I am the CEO of a company and I love how much it tickles my brain to apply corporate strategy to pull the company out of the  slump, I can only say, "Um....well I cook, read, watch a movie, try to volunteer for a bit..Oh and I am trying to learn a new skill". And then you can see that sad look on your friend’s face that reads 'I understand'. It's extremely funny to see how people with unflinching determination ask you the same question followed by the same melancholic look. Let’s save the drama for another day!

Let me take you back to the h4 visa forums where there is a lot of cribbing and motivational talks. I am with all the ladies who have turned to looking at recipes for a part of their day to decide what to cook that evening. Would I have enjoyed writing a script or responding to some important official emails with the same time - undoubtedly. But on the other hand, the look on my husband's face as he enjoys his meal - I would take my time to look at all the recipes in the world to replicate that look each day. I also belong to that category of women who set fitness goals for themselves (yes, I do love my chips and cupcakes and there is no way I would give it all up) and sometimes this goal keeps me going. It is a goal after all!

Caught up with all the negativity online about the H4 visa and its horrible nature of locking a person down from shutting down dreams and aspirations, sometimes we forget appreciating the finer aspects of life, finding joy in little things, the necessity of taking a break from the long lap of life. There is ample time to recreate all the dreams that were drawn so picture perfectly in your head. But it’s also essential to take a deep breath and realize that the most mundane saying "When one door closes, another one opens" is actually true. While finding that door, I think it’s important not to forget to laugh aloud, enjoy the company of your loved ones, sharpen a skill, talk to people you have been meaning to talk for several years and everyone has that  childhood dream of learning an art - Now is always a good time !   

A feeling...or is it?

Ever wondered how it would feel to be numb?
Never to feel the scars left behind?
Never to understand the meaning of pain?

Ever wondered how it would feel to be numb?
Never to feel the beauty of  the touch?
Never to comprehend the feeling of a kiss?

Ever wondered how it would feel to be numb?
Never to feel the writhe of the heart?
Never to find a reason to cry?

Ever wondered how to would feel to be numb?
Never to understand the feeling of being overjoyed?
Never to feel the tears through a smile?

Ever wondered how it would feel?

Battlefield of the Mind...

As a battle awaits to tear her apart
A battle similar to thousand others being fought every day,

Some succumbing to the wounds inflicted
Others marching with dignity and pride of the battle scars

The warrior in her was armed to attack.
A sense of emptiness suddenly overpowering her every thought

She felt her will being slain as it cut a deep wound,
Her entire body writhing at the hurt it brought along

A bright light overpowering her vision
Was this the light that was much talked of?
Or was it a sign to rise up and go for the kill?

A Dream... A Stance... A Choice...

                  

Unprepared was I, assuming I had the world at my feet;

Ecstatic was I, visualizing a musical in my head;

A princess was I, in the theatre of life;

My treasure chests overflowing with happiness and joy;

Years rolled by, the riches slowly disappearing,

From a princess to a pauper, with tears in my eyes;

The treasure chests that once were filled to the brim,  

Now so empty that left me with a sense of vacuum.

Reality struck and the curtains were drawn,

A path so barren lay ahead of me,

As if to hint, the journey at the forefront was long and void,

For life has to go on, it is either now or never;

A choice was to be made,

As to take the forsaken path or run back into the mystical dream;

Into the dream that brought a false sense of solace

Or walk the path valiantly until the eye meets pastures green.

Give way to the Mighty Patter

             


The city bustled with activity,

Motorists speeding toward their destination

Pedestrian’s jay walking in the way of those with an agenda

And then you came along with your mighty roar

Demanding every bit of the space like it all belonged to you

The entire city gave way to your mighty supremacy

But little did you know, that beyond the might there is a heart

A heart that gives couples a reason to cuddle

A heart that gives the scurrying motorists a reason to let go

A heart that gives me a reason to smile and unwind !

Beauty that I can't cease to admire

                  

Sitting by the window with my knees drawn to my chest

I witness the grandeur of nature unleashing itself in its purest form

the city bereft of any light

Is it natures way of crying in the dark?

Only to the attention of those in love, pain or joy?

Just as the walls listen to you cry in silence

The rain stops pouring

Perhaps it has found its solace

When wil i find mine..