The Feminist in me and you... Note:
1. This blog reflects my thought process at a certain
instance of time with what I hear from friends, family and the news. This is
not a reflection of my personal life.
2. This blog is only a representation of a large part of how
our country still works, not everyone's life. There are a lot of educated
people who are much beyond all of this.
3. Having said that, your comments (good or bad) are most
welcome
4. The image below has no religious connotation, just the first image that comes to mind when I think of equality and balance.
In a country where female infanticide claimed 3 million
infants in 2012 (
Source),
what do you think goes on in the mind of those cruel parents and relatives who
have the heart to kill their own baby?
My answer - a complex network of people we'd like to call ‘society’ and
a misconstrued notion of what we refer to as 'culture' – two words that have
made, broken and killed human and sometimes even animal lives. These two complex systems have introduced customs and
traditions that usually benefit one party - the men (this does not apply to
everyone, so calm down). Let us start with the basics
1.
Education - There are several families who think
a educating the girl child is a complete waste of money and efforts, this is
under the assumption that women after the wedding can't work .Now don't tell me
that there are no city based men who think that! There are enough people who
want their so called "wives" to be well educated, but be ready to
"take care of the house" - That obviously requires a lot of calculus
and java. I don’t understand why other people decide for the girl, we lack
physical strength but God bless, we can think u know. The best reason they
could come up to educate the girl child is to teach her kids (whaat!!##)
2. The M Word – And the girl is 21(not the worst
case scenario or the best), the parents whom I am not blaming, start worrying
about the girl’s marriage. Oh wait a minute, that happens the minute they
realize it’s a girl child! And what does that mean – most likely, the girl’s
father has to pay for the wedding (because the poor man sinned as he had a
daughter who he raised like any other kid), buy her jewelry (otherwise society
would think such terrible things – oh the horror!), and besides everything the guys side and
their family ( it happens even in cities till today ..not everyone is blessed
like u and me!) think they’re sacred and demand a dowry because obviously
marrying the girl is a huge favour to the girl and her family no!? What does
that leave the family who raised their daughter with their life? Nothing..
that’s right NOTHING.
3. Equality – When I say equality, I don’t mean treated
with ‘special benefits’, but we need to be treated like equals, empower women
like any other man maybe? I have had many questions asking why women have a
separate compartment in the local train or why is there a separate side for
women in the bus? Well I could think of one reason, actually a ton of them –
groping, verbal and physical assault are some of them at the top of my mind.
Remember we spoke about the part we are not physically powerful, these
compartments protect us from those possible scenarios! We all at some point have gone through the
filth that are in people’ s mind.
Having talked about equality, let me say that
women out there calling themselves feminists and expecting your husbands or
boyfriends to open doors for you, pay your bills and buy you stuff (without
thinking of the poor guy), wake up and smell your hypocrisy! And then there are forwards saying, the woman
is special and is God’s gift, FINE, so is a man/guy. So when you fight for
equality, the minute you ask for extra ordinary treatment because we are women,
you stopped fighting for equality.
And then there’s the
topic of the kitchen! So, you think a man can’t cook or take care of the
family? If you are a guy reading this, the lady (mum/girlfriend/wife/sister) in
your life might be working full time and don’t expect her to cook and clean for
you, you’re not a child! Grow up and share the work. Women reading this, we
need to learn to let go and let them help us! We can do everything but the ease
of sharing work.. aah.. unexplicable!
And one more of my favorite
topics – how you move into another family when you get married, change your
name, your gothra, your identity, you name your child based on the paternal
side (if you have 1 child) and mourn the death of your husband’s relatives more
than your own? Huh???? I have spoken to
several people about this recently and most of them saw me like I was stupid to
ask these questions. None of this makes
sense when there are only daughters in the house. That entire lineage is
forgotten after 2-3 generations no thanks to rules created centuries ago for
reasons I have not researched. Many of
us got lucky, I got great in-laws who after my wedding said - ‘we now have a daughter
and your parents have a son’, a husband who really doesn’t care if I took his
last name and parents who side with me when I say such feminist things J Assume a girl Is the
only child, why does she have to go to the husband’s side after she gets
married? The girl and the guy have two sets of parents now, and their
responsibility is to treat both of them equally and take care of them with the
same love and affection.
OK I’m done ranting; you ask me what the point
of this blog is? If you’re a guy reading this, remember to treat the women in
your life with respect, equality and a heart. Treat the women in your life the
way you would want people to treat your sister or your daughter.
If you’re a girl
and you call yourself a feminist, stand for equality and not for being special!
Fight for your basic rights, fight for you and the future girl children. Fight
so that someday in society, these cruel inequalities disappear and we bring
down the rate of female infanticide. Fight and break injustice and the blind
beliefs of culture and society.
