To you, With Love

To You, With Love

A little background about this poem: I have a very humble collection of plants in my apartment. We recently moved apartments, one from which the views were great to one that faces some construction and noise. Here goes...

 

As you overlooked the wondrous sights,

The setting sun and the pink skies that it brought forth,
The green of mother earth and her gentle breeze,
Man Made buildings that towered you
You were at home, our home.

Suddenly, your world started to perplex you
You look to me, to give you answers, to comfort you.
You suddenly yearn for nourishment that you thought was a given.
I see you curling up to protect yourself.
I wish I had a better explanation for you.

You were thrown together with other things, 

Suddenly engulfed in darkness, as you continue to wait for an answer
Waiting for the comfort you only knew, as normal
You see light, you see hope.
But things still seem far from what they used to be.

The beauty of mother nature replaced by the thunderous sounds of machines
The gentle breeze that she brought forth now laden with dust.
There is no better way to say this,
This is your new home, This is where you will grow.
I can only say that, I will promise to love you and nurture you as I always did.

My little green ones, continue to spread your wings and grow with no inhibitions,
The color you bring forth to my life, fills my heart with joy
As I nourish you with water and my love,
I only hope you like your new home and continue to grow.
My little green ones, I do cherish you.

My business model to life

My Business Model to Life

        

Wake up, Brush, shower, dress up, drive, work, eat, cook, clean, sleep... Do that five times over and that's how assembly work is done. Methodical, organized and heart-breakingly mechanical.

In an attempt to conquer the world, ok too far, let's take a step back. In an attempt to achieve our career goals, our financial goals, life goals, did I mention societal goals for us, we fail to differentiate our lives from a machine's life. There is no time for the 3L's - Live, Love and Laugh!

There are innumerable articles out there that 'preach' how to break free from routine, blah blah. Well bottom line, we have to do the same things over tomorrow and that's how life rolls yo! 

To someone who reads my articles and blogs, I might look like this person who loves to rant! Well of course I do, don't you? It's better than silently accepting this lifeless life and living an averagish life. I will rant, then pick up all the broken pieces and use the best possible super glue to make a random new piece that is hopefully different from how it used to look.

Now that I have ranted about the mundane boredom of routine - let's talk about how it could be better. 

First and foremost CHANGE, when I think about it I hear bells ringing and I see that giant flashback reel they show in the 70s in full color. I love change and even though I might grapple to adjust initially, I love that it multiplies the possibilities in life - for the better or worse. 

The next love-hate relationship is with CHALLENGES, who doesn't love a good challenge right? I love the way it  pushes me to the next level and the adrenaline rush it gives me when I am attempting it or when I complete it. No doubt, failure is heart-breaking. That too shall pass. 

Just as I thought, I will include another C in my list, I thought well we have the 3L2C model, sounds cooler than 3L3C, or in other words, I have to get back to my FUN job of editing videos!

While I strive to make the change, will you? 

As the clock ticks...

As the clock ticks...

                                                 

There you stood in the passage way, 

Looking beautiful and enticing as ever,

You make my heart gush with excitement of the endless possibilities that await,

You are the reason, I smiled as I drove through the busy streets 

I see your silhouette at a distance, 

Patiently as I wait for the end of dawn,

What seems like an endless wait,

You are the reason, I smiled as the sun glared into my eye

Friday, I can now see your ethereal beauty

I long to embrace you,

To bathe in that everlasting glory that you bring forth

You are the reason, I smiled today 

- Preethi Krishnamurthy

The feminist in me and you...

                          The Feminist in me and you...                            Note:

1. This blog reflects my thought process at a certain instance of time with what I hear from friends, family and the news. This is not a reflection of my personal life.

2. This blog is only a representation of a large part of how our country still works, not everyone's life. There are a lot of educated people who are much beyond all of this.

3. Having said that, your comments (good or bad) are most welcome
4. The image below has no religious connotation, just the first image that comes to mind when I think of equality and balance.

                                               

  In a country where female infanticide claimed 3 million infants in 2012 (Source), what do you think goes on in the mind of those cruel parents and relatives who have the heart to kill their own baby?  My answer - a complex network of people we'd like to call ‘society’ and a misconstrued notion of what we refer to as 'culture' – two words that have made, broken and killed human and sometimes even animal lives. These two complex systems have introduced customs and traditions that usually benefit one party - the men (this does not apply to everyone, so calm down). Let us start with the basics

1.       Education - There are several families who think a educating the girl child is a complete waste of money and efforts, this is under the assumption that women after the wedding can't work .Now don't tell me that there are no city based men who think that! There are enough people who want their so called "wives" to be well educated, but be ready to "take care of the house" - That obviously requires a lot of calculus and java. I don’t understand why other people decide for the girl, we lack physical strength but God bless, we can think u know. The best reason they could come up to educate the girl child is to teach her kids (whaat!!##)

      

       2.   The M Word – And the girl is 21(not the worst case scenario or the best), the parents whom I am not blaming, start worrying about the girl’s marriage. Oh wait a minute, that happens the minute they realize it’s a girl child! And what does that mean – most likely, the girl’s father has to pay for the wedding (because the poor man sinned as he had a daughter who he raised like any other kid), buy her jewelry (otherwise society would think such terrible things – oh the horror!),  and besides everything the guys side and their family ( it happens even in cities till today ..not everyone is blessed like u and me!) think they’re sacred and demand a dowry because obviously marrying the girl is a huge favour to the girl and her family no!? What does that leave the family who raised their daughter with their life? Nothing.. that’s right NOTHING.

       3.    Equality – When I say equality, I don’t mean treated with ‘special benefits’, but we need to be treated like equals, empower women like any other man maybe? I have had many questions asking why women have a separate compartment in the local train or why is there a separate side for women in the bus? Well I could think of one reason, actually a ton of them – groping, verbal and physical assault are some of them at the top of my mind. Remember we spoke about the part we are not physically powerful, these compartments protect us from those possible scenarios!  We all at some point have gone through the filth that are in people’ s mind.

                          Having talked about equality, let me say that women out there calling themselves feminists and expecting your husbands or boyfriends to open doors for you, pay your bills and buy you stuff (without thinking of the poor guy), wake up and smell your hypocrisy!  And then there are forwards saying, the woman is special and is God’s gift, FINE, so is a man/guy. So when you fight for equality, the minute you ask for extra ordinary treatment because we are women, you stopped fighting for equality. 

                          And then there’s the topic of the kitchen! So, you think a man can’t cook or take care of the family? If you are a guy reading this, the lady (mum/girlfriend/wife/sister) in your life might be working full time and don’t expect her to cook and clean for you, you’re not a child! Grow up and share the work. Women reading this, we need to learn to let go and let them help us! We can do everything but the ease of sharing work.. aah.. unexplicable!

                        And one more of my favorite topics – how you move into another family when you get married, change your name, your gothra, your identity, you name your child based on the paternal side (if you have 1 child) and mourn the death of your husband’s relatives more than your own? Huh????  I have spoken to several people about this recently and most of them saw me like I was stupid to ask these questions.  None of this makes sense when there are only daughters in the house. That entire lineage is forgotten after 2-3 generations no thanks to rules created centuries ago for reasons I have not researched.  Many of us got lucky, I got great in-laws who  after my wedding said - ‘we now have a daughter and your parents have a son’, a husband who really doesn’t care if I took his last name and parents who side with me when I say such feminist things J Assume a girl Is the only child, why does she have to go to the husband’s side after she gets married? The girl and the guy have two sets of parents now, and their responsibility is to treat both of them equally and take care of them with the same love and affection.

                            OK I’m done ranting; you ask me what the point of this blog is? If you’re a guy reading this, remember to treat the women in your life with respect, equality and a heart. Treat the women in your life the way you would want people to treat your sister or your daughter. 

                           If you’re a girl and you call yourself a feminist, stand for equality and not for being special! Fight for your basic rights, fight for you and the future girl children. Fight so that someday in society, these cruel inequalities disappear and we bring down the rate of female infanticide. Fight and break injustice and the blind beliefs of culture and society.  

  

    

Board aka BORED exams

“Education is what remains after one has forgotten what one has learned in school.”
 -Albert Eintein

 And that  in today's world means a high percentage of uneducated people. I strongly felt the need to write about our education system when I saw NDTV's report on how students get 100 percent in their exams and are still  left with no admissions (100 percent...!!! What happens to average students like me then!!see link) and the ongoing discussions about our education system.

My head refuses to process information such as kindergarten children being sent for tuition and schools urging parents to register their unborn children in order to get an admission! I find it preposterous.

When the whole world is looking at how India is the intellectual capital, our children are losing their childood to textbooks, tuitions, tests, tests.. and oh did I mention tests? Everyday there seems to be more emphasis on how important the board/public exams are to a child's future. Are they really?

If you're 20+, answer this for me - How many people have asked you "So, how much did you score in your boards?". Perhaps only those who cannot make a conversation .On the other hand, when you had a real conversation with a like minded person, you realize that board exams and results are hardly a topic of discussion except when you are criticizing it. Marks are no doubt important in deciding the course of your college career, but with the current system based mostly on management seats and reservations, its all about saving money for the seats than the marks isn't it? (Btw, I am not supporting that, I am merely stating a fact.) 

The much awaited games hour goes into 'extra' geography or chemistry classes. I do agree that education should be on the top of the list for any child's career but pursuing hobbies and interests outside the textbook is equally important to the development of the child's personality and overall growth. Correct me if I am wrong, I am no expert at this  - but common sense is all that's needed to figure that one out.

 An important part of our life has unfortunately been forced  to mindless studying. I choose to use the word "mindless' here because the schools only teach us how to score marks instead of helping us grasp the concept of the lessons. There may be several exceptions, but the majority seems otherwise. 
There is a huge gap between what is required to succeed in the real world and what is actually being offered. Take a look at these numbers:

Out of the 5 lakh engineers passing out every year,only 17.54 percent are employable for the IT sector, 3.51 percent are appropriately trained to be deployed directly in projects and a dismal 2.68 percent are employable in IT product companies, which require a greater understanding of computer science and algorithms (Source: The Hindu - March 12, 2012). 

I am not someone who crunches numbers or analyses statistics, but these numbers are clear evidence that the level and quality of our education is below par and doesn't serve any purpose-neither technical knowledge nor soft skills.  I am an engineer and I can confidently say that the training provided at Infosys taught me much more than my 4 years in college. We were taught coding, algorithms and given practical assignments; we were taught soft skills like team building, decision making, culture sensitivity - lessons that help students tackle their everyday life and work scenarios. 

Isn't that how our education system should be built? Lessons to get the best out of life, to realize our potential, to help us solve problems by thinking and not by reproducing from text books?

I believe that this should start early in schools where children begin their learning process. Teachers should be able to create practical scenarios or projects to illustrate topics, schools must encourage learning rather than pressurizing children and teachers to focus on scoring. Another important aspect is to educate the children on the various career options available to them in addition to the engineering, medicine and CA and throw some light on offbeat careers.

Colleges on the other hand should impart soft skills to their students apart from encouraging themto take up research and development (When are we going to start discovering and inventing things again???). They should encourage students by setting up entrepreneurial divisions to reward students with exemplary business ideas. And oh, how could I forget, both schools and colleges need to encourage sports and extra curricular activities , so that we can stop complaining about not getting medals in the Olympics (Don't we all stop playing, dancing and singing in the 10th standard in order to do well in the elusive board exams and then get caught up in so many other things that we forget to restart it..??)

Another important concern is that questions asked by children and students are shunned as disregardful, whereas they may have arisen out of sheer curiosity and the need to know. Not knowing the answer to a child's question is not wrong or shameful, but what is shameful is the decision to ignore the question by shouting or diverting their attention to another topic. As Albert Einstein  once said "If you can't explain it to a six year old, you don't understand it yourself.” (Excessive usage of Einstein's quotes as he seems to have  some witty one liners on education and learning to his credit)

The suggestions above are ideas that institutions can implement. Isn't there a saying, all good habits start at home? We need to be the change, but how do we do that? The floor is now open to ideas, suggestions, discussions and most importantly, appreciation and criticism.

And I have miles to go before I sleep...?

My favourite quote is Robert Frost’s “And I have miles to go before I sleep…”. The inner meaning of which I may not thought through completely. When my computer crashed, I had plenty of time to stare at my spotless cream walls and ponder about absolutely everything.

Why do I miss India so much? Is it because many of my friends and family are there? On second thought, did I really? All (except a handful) are busy chasing the carrot tied to the donkey – the never ending goal that consumes and burns away every minute of our lives. But isn’t this my favourite quotes’ inner meaning?  

Unfortunately, I too am a victim stuck in search of indefinite happiness and success that may probably exist.In the last six months of my life in the US, I have met and spent more time with family and friends than I did in India. How much sense and sensibility I can make of it? I am still quite unsure, but I do know for a fact that some or many of you reading this will think – ‘But you are a housewife and have all the time in the world, so how would you know the value of time?’ – I understand and am not offended.

Perhaps the abundance of well wishers back home and knowing that one always has someone to lean on has led to relationships being taken for granted. In the US, the lack of it thereof has caused people to hold on to what’s left, thus creating tighter knit communities/links and relationships. A couple make the time to sit and talk to each other, friends make it a point to visit each other on weekends, cousins and families run to each other to experience the feeling of home. The basis of the whole set-up maybe wrong, but the result has worked out well.

In the blind pursuit of a high flying career, comfort, money and thus luxury (all of which I love too …no arguments there) we somehow get sucked into the vacuum of emptiness forgetting what makes us truly happy. Work satisfaction, no doubt gives an untold joy but can never be the pinnacle. Some of us are consumed by this vacuum that we have forgotten what brings a smile on our faces and more importantly joy in our hearts.

I know it sounds cliché, but have we forgotten our roots? It is surprising to know that a practice as good as Yoga is far more prevalent in the US while unhealthy western fried food takes over our “well balanced” Indian meal.  We often convince ourselves that we are modernizing, but aren’t we moving backward instead?

Even today India is known to be the land of mythology, faith, values and discipline, a country that possesses the raw charm that westerners want to imitate. Unfortunately all that is being sucked away by us – giant mechanical robots programmed to pursue perfection in every aspect.

Well, maybe it’s time we reprogrammed some part of our coding?

Time to pick up the phone and make some plans (not the meetings or the deadlines)!

Time to go for that long drive that you always intended to?

Or if you choose, let your hair down and dance away into the night. Whatever you do, don’t forget to have fun and be truly happy. 

The Trailing Housewife

                                            

H4 Visa - 2 words that constantly ring in any girl/s head as she tags along with her lawfully and lovingly wed husband to the land of opportunities (or so they'd like to call it). For those of you wondering, what is this H4 visa and is it a big deal? I have taken the liberty to copy two lines from Wiki about the H4 visa status:

"An H-4 visa is a visa issued by the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS) to immediate family members (spouse and children under 21 years of age) of the H-1B visa holders.H-4 visa holders are not eligible to get a Social Security Number and cannot be employed, but they can hold a driver's license, open bank accounts, and get an Individual Taxpayer Identification Number for US tax purposes."

Going back to the day where it all begins - Suitcases filled with snacks and curry powders, teary eyed parents waving at the airport, grandparents praying and hoping you can cook to save your life and not to mention the poor guy who married you, phone calls to the closest friends promising to keep in touch and of course the worry of how to manage the idle brain!

The long treacherous 21 hour journey by flight (I keep wondering how people traveled by sea for a month to reach this country!) only comforted by the loving husband and the delicious desserts that Etihad Airways serves!

Life in full throttle, or so I'd like to hope ! I must say that it is quite a transition from running after what you wanted to do with you life for 26 years to a subset of chores (cooking, cleaning, internet and weekend outings!), the transition from managing your own money and planning your finances to depending on your better half for all that you needed. In no way are these transitions heading the wrong way, they just decided to take a different turn!

When confronted with a situation, the internet can be your best friend and your worst enemy. I am no different from the rest of the world as I started digging around about the perils of the visa that I possess. I realized that there are several thousands of educated, well experienced women who are on this visa struggling to get out of the chains of the H4 - to pursue a dream of their own, to be the independent self they once were, to recreate that identity that they think they lost. Some successfully converting their visa status to the golden H1b (work permit visa) and some severely scarred by the chains of the H4.

There are close to 70000 H1B visas issued every year and even if a percentage of these candidates get married, the number of people who are refused work only because of their visa status becomes an alarming number. There are women who are IT professionals, MBA grads, architects, designers - you name it and they are there in this country just waiting for a change in the law allowing them to pursue their dreams. American policy makers have their reasons, stating that the women came into the country very well aware of what they were allowed and not allowed to do. That's a point that I am not going to argue about for several reasons.

Anyway, on this journey you meet several friends and family and I bet any housewife will be asked this question, "So what do you do the entire day?". Well as much as I would like to say that I am the CEO of a company and I love how much it tickles my brain to apply corporate strategy to pull the company out of the  slump, I can only say, "Um....well I cook, read, watch a movie, try to volunteer for a bit..Oh and I am trying to learn a new skill". And then you can see that sad look on your friend’s face that reads 'I understand'. It's extremely funny to see how people with unflinching determination ask you the same question followed by the same melancholic look. Let’s save the drama for another day!

Let me take you back to the h4 visa forums where there is a lot of cribbing and motivational talks. I am with all the ladies who have turned to looking at recipes for a part of their day to decide what to cook that evening. Would I have enjoyed writing a script or responding to some important official emails with the same time - undoubtedly. But on the other hand, the look on my husband's face as he enjoys his meal - I would take my time to look at all the recipes in the world to replicate that look each day. I also belong to that category of women who set fitness goals for themselves (yes, I do love my chips and cupcakes and there is no way I would give it all up) and sometimes this goal keeps me going. It is a goal after all!

Caught up with all the negativity online about the H4 visa and its horrible nature of locking a person down from shutting down dreams and aspirations, sometimes we forget appreciating the finer aspects of life, finding joy in little things, the necessity of taking a break from the long lap of life. There is ample time to recreate all the dreams that were drawn so picture perfectly in your head. But it’s also essential to take a deep breath and realize that the most mundane saying "When one door closes, another one opens" is actually true. While finding that door, I think it’s important not to forget to laugh aloud, enjoy the company of your loved ones, sharpen a skill, talk to people you have been meaning to talk for several years and everyone has that  childhood dream of learning an art - Now is always a good time !